The last couple days have been uneventful, and in my life, an uneventful day, is a good day. I’ve still been moving my stuff in storage and looking for a job. Been denied at 2 spots, so that sucks. I think all the jobs might be dead leads actually. I’ve never lived in one place where it’s so hard to get a fucking job!
Can’t get an entry level job, because I have too much experience. And can’t get a mid-level job because there’s 1,437,920 other candidates. The whole damn thing is frustrating. I’ve never had it this hard looking for a job. In fact, when I first moved to New York, I found a job within 6 applications, but this time, I’ve filled out close to 50 and nothing. Not even an email back.
One of the differences I see since 2016 though are all these job search sites which didn’t exist in great numbers before. Places like Indeed, ZipRecruiter, and their ilk have all muddied the waters by becoming the headquarters of mass posting jobs, many of which aren’t even real and just scams, which is why I don’t use them. I look on them for jobs, but I don’t post my resumes on them. Instead, I go directly to the employer’s site.
Not quite sure what to do at this point. My unemployment has ended and my savings is depleted and now bills are due and I have no income. I am most worried about all my furniture and belongings in storage. I have no income and I fear losing my storage place. I would be devastated if that happened because my entire life is in there and I have no place to put it. I live with my boyfriend but there’s no space to put it all here either. I know you’re thinking, why don’t I just ask my boyfriend for the money each month? That was ok a couple of times but he’s always saying he doesn’t have money and then the times I’ve asked him for money for stuff, he just throws it in my face as a weapon, so I dont bother asking him either. I don’t know why he’s always broke when he only has a cell phone bill to pay. He’s probably just giving it all away to his daughter’s mom or some other chick because I don’t see him buying himself anything and I don’t ask him for money either. I guess he just burns it all on alcohol and weed because it ain’t going to me. He gives me $20-$60 every now and then, but what he gives me is nowhere near enough to bankrupt him for the amount he gets paid every week. He’s always just broke by osmosis. Just don’t want the smoke.
Storage places confiscate all your stuff if you can’t pay. The thouhgt of that alone keeps me up at night.
Today, the boyfriend asked if I wanted to watch a movie and I said sure, as long as he doesn’t drink. Then he proceeds to tell me that me telling him not to drink, makes him want to drink. But I only told him not to drink before the movie because when he drinks, he puts me through hell. He always drinks before doing things and it just sabotages everything because he starts acting out of pocke, getting aggressive, punching walls, screaming and kicking in his sleep, etc. When I told him that it was hell, of course, he does like all narcissts do, flips the conversation to make it as if it’s my fault, rather than listening to what I am saying. He then proceeds to tell me how I don’t clean the kitchen and bathroom, as if that has anything to fucking do with his drinking. I give up. What’s the point? Wow, that felt weird writing it out. It just looks fucked up. And this is why I like journaling. Shit hits different when you see it or say it out loud.
I am like my Mom says, “Up Shit Creek without a paddle”.