Pause

Written on February 11, 2026 by ΞVΞ🦋

Categories: Journal

Not much has gone on lately. I’m still at my mom’s house trying to figure out how I’m going to look for an apartment to get back to NY. My better judgement says I should probably forego a whole apartment for now and just rent a room, then look for an apartment when I get up there, so I can get what I want, but I really don’t want to do that. I hate living with people. The last couple times I’ve had roommates, I had to listen to them bang out their boyfriends and leave the bathroom dirty, and I’m just not down for it. Not anymore. I’m too old for that shit.

Rents for apartments have skyrocketed since I last had a place. When I first got my other place in 2020, the rents started at around $1,800; now a decent apartment is $2,000 a month, and that’s considered the lower end. You’d think making $85k a year that it wouldn’t be a struggle, but $2k a month is still in the struggle range to me once I add in the cost of living, making sure my aging Mom has everything she needs, and to put aside to buy my own home one day, not in NY of course. A house in NY is well into starting at $1.5M. And that I’m going to have to pay for my own tuition to complete my degree. Right now, everything is on pause.

Nevermind that, I hate talking about money. I just want to get back to having my own apartment so I can get my entire life out of storage before something dumb happens and I lose it all, and get back to being me again. I wasn’t meant for a life living with people because I enjoy the quiet solitude. I like my things being in place and besides, when I as living with my boyfriend, it was endless daily cleaning because he was a slob. Living with my family has been fine, though; I’d never have a problem with that. I’ve loved living here with them for the last 2 months. She’s also planning on moving into a nice new apartment in a couple of months, so there’s that.

I mean, living a life with roommates and a boyfriend. I was never meant for a life living with a boyfriend. I should have just stayed there temporarily and then went back to finding my own place. As Mom says, Live. Learn. Burn.

Sleeping is becoming a problem again. But some good news, I’m down to 208 lbs. My first milestone is to get down to 200, then I’ll try to achieve my next milestone to get down to 180, until I can get down to 150. Hopefully.